Truths About Colleges and Universities

(Note : this is from an old email. The author of the piece is anonymous to me.)

Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.

Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).
2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.

It's very difficult to forget everything. For example, when I was in college, I had to memorize -- don't ask me why -- the names of three metaphysical poets other than John Donne. I have managed to forget one of them, but I still remember that the other two were named Vaughan and Crashaw. Sometimes, when I'm trying to remember something important like whether my wife told me to get tuna packed in oil or tuna packed in water, Vaughan and Crashaw just pop up in my mind, right there in the supermarket. It's a terrible waste of brain cells.

After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of advice: Be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts and Right Answers. This means you must not major in mathematics, physics, biology, or chemistry, because these subjects involve actual facts. If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander into class one day and the professor will say:
"Define the cosine integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate your result to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail. The same is true of chemistry: if you write in your exam book that carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about this.

So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and sociology -- subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts. I attended classes in all these subjects, so I'll give you a quick overview of each:

ENGLISH:
This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby-Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say that Moby-Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly eleven thousand times. So in your paper, you say Moby-Dick is actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby-Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English.

PHILOSOPHY:
Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.

PSYCHOLOGY:
This involves talking about rats and dreams. Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in psychology.

SOCIOLOGY:
For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never once heard or read a coherent statement. This is because sociologists want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time translating simple, obvious observations into scientific-sounding code. If you plan to major in sociology, you'll have to learn to do the same thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they fall down. You should write:
"Methodological observation of the sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that a casual relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory, or 'crying,' behavior forms." If you can keep this up for fifty or sixty pages, you will get a large government grant.

भारत एक खोज

"Bharat ek khoj" (hindi : भारत एक खोज ) used to be a serial aired on Doordarshan in my childhood days. It was directed by Shyam Benegal with the story based on a novel of the same name by the first prime minister of independent India, Jawharlal Nehru. It wasn't really a novel, it was a recap of the thousands of years of Indian history, real history.

I did not fully understand, and hence did not like, the serial those days, even though the serial was much better than reading boring (poorly written and presented) history textbooks in school. However, what I liked even in that immature age were the title tracks of the serial. I learned from my father that they were suktas in the Rigveda. The starting track was a translation of the "Nasadiya Sukta", which is hymn 129 of the mandal 10 of the Rigveda. The english translation of the same can be found here. Below I provide the sukta in Hindi, English (from the link provided earlier) and in original Sanskrit.

First, the way the sukta was sung on the serial. It would start with the original Sanskrit verse (to create an effect, and surely it created a wonderful effect on the listener) and then the hindi translation would come. Vanraj Bhatia produced these ear pleasing sound tracks and I believe this gentleman's potential could have been utilized more in TV and/or Indian cinema. Wonder what happened to Mr. Bhatia. Some information about him on Wikipedia is this.

Here is the opening song, if I can call it a song. Check it on Youtube here.

सृष्टी से पहले सत नहीं था, असत भी नहीं,
अन्तरिक्ष भी नहीं, आकाश भी नहीं था.
छिपा था क्या, कहाँ, किसने ढका था,
उस पल तो अगम, अटल जल भी कहाँ था.

.................

सृष्टी का कौन है कर्ता,
कर्ता है ये वा अकर्ता,
ऊंचे आसमान में रहता,
सदा अध्यक्ष बना रहता.
वोही सच- मुच में जानता,
या नहीं भी जानता...
है किसी को नहीं पता ...
नहीं पता...
नहीं है पता....नहीं है पता .....

Only the first and the last stranza of the hymn were translated and sung in Hindi in the serial. The full hymn is so thought provoking and profound that one is left speechless when it is read fully. It is unfortunate that such great philosophy is not taught, not even mentioned, in our schools and colleges. Had it not been for the serial, I would have remained ignorant of this treasure of our literature. Here it is in full.

Rigveda 10,129: Nasadiya Sukta (The hymn of creation)

1. नासदासीन नो सदासीत तदानीं नासीद रजो नो वयोमापरो यत ।
   किमावरीवः कुह कस्य शर्मन्नम्भः किमासीद गहनं गभीरम ॥
   
   nâsadâsînno sadâsît tadânîm nâsîdrajo no vyomâ paro yat
   kim âvarîvah kuha kasya sharmann ambhah kimâsîdgahanam gabhîram
   
   THEN was not non-existent nor existent: there was no realm of air, no sky beyond it.
   What covered in, and where? and what gave shelter? Was water there, unfathomed depth of water?
2. न मर्त्युरासीदम्र्तं न तर्हि न रात्र्या अह्न आसीत्प्रकेतः ।
   आनीदवातं सवधया तदेकं तस्माद्धान्यन न परः किं चनास ॥
   
   na mrtyurâsîdamrtam na tarhi na râtryâ ahna âsît praketah
   ânîdavâtam svadhayâ tadekam tasmâddhânyanna parah kimcan âsa
   
   Death was not then, nor was there aught immortal: no sign was there, the day's and night's divider.
   That One Thing, breathless, breathed by its own nature: apart from it was nothing whatsoever.
   
3. तम आसीत तमसा गूळमग्रे.अप्रकेतं सलिलं सर्वमािदम ।
   तुछ्येनाभ्वपिहितं यदासीत तपसस्तन्महिनाजायतैकम ॥
   
   tama âsît tamasâ gûlhamagre 'praketam salilam sarvam â idam
   tucchyenâbhvapihitam yadâsît tapasastanmahinâjâyataikam
   
   Darkness there was: at first concealed in darknew this All was indiscriminated chaos.
   All that existed then was void and form less: by the great power of Warmth was born that Unit.
4. कामस्तदग्रे समवर्तताधि मनसो रेतः परथमं यदासीत ।
   सतो बन्धुमसति निरविन्दन हर्दि परतीष्याकवयो मनीषा ॥
   
   kâmastadagre samavartatâdhî manaso retah prathamam yadâsît
   sato bandhum asati niravindan hrdi pratîshyâ kavayo manîshâ
   
   Thereafter rose Desire in the beginning, Desire, the primal seed and germ of Spirit.
   Sages who searched with their heart's thought discovered the existent's kinship in the non-existent.
5. तिरश्चीनो विततो रश्मिरेषामधः सविदासी.अ.अ.अत ।
   रेतोधाासन महिमान आसन सवधा अवस्तात परयतिः परस्तात ॥
   
   tirashcino vitato rashmir eshâm adhah svidâsîdupari svidasît
   retodhâ âsan mahimâna âsan svadhâ avastât prayatih parastât
   
   Transversely was their severing line extended: what was above it then, and what below it?
   There were begetters, there were mighty forces, free action here and energy up yonder.
6. को अद्धा वेद क इह पर वोचत कुत आजाता कुत इयंविस्र्ष्टिः ।
   अर्वाग देवा अस्य विसर्जनेनाथा को वेद यताबभूव ॥
   
   ko addhâ veda ka iha pravocat kuta âjâtâ kuta iyam visrhtih
   arvâgdevâ asya visarjanenâ- -thâ ko veda yata âbabhûva
   
   Who verily knows and who can here declare it, whence it was born and whence comes this creation?
   TheGods are later than this world's production. Who knows then whence it first came into being?
7. इयं विस्र्ष्टिर्यत आबभूव यदि वा दधे यदि वा न ।
   यो अस्याध्यक्षः परमे वयोमन सो अङग वेद यदि वा नवेद ॥
   
   iyam visrshtiryata âbabhûva yadi vâ dadhe yadi vâ na
   yo asyâdhyakshah parame vyoman so anga veda yadi vâ na veda
   
   He, the first origin of this creation, whether he formed it all or did not form it,
   Whose eye controls this world in highest heaven, he verily knows it, or perhaps he knows not.

Finally, the serial would end with another sukta from the Rigveda. This was the even better sounding "कस्मै देवाय हविषा विधेम" hymn 121 from mandal 10. It follwed the same effect-creating-sanskrit-pronounciation and followed it up with the following hindi rendering. Check on Youtube here.

वो था हिरण्य गर्भ सृष्टि से पहले विद्यमान,
वही तो सारे भूत जाति का स्वामी महान,
जो है अस्तित्वमान धरती आसमान धारण कर,
ऐसे किस देवता की उपासना करें हम हवि देकर.

जिस के बल पर तेजोमय है अंबर,
पृथ्वी हरी भरी स्थापित स्थिर,
स्वर्ग और सूरज भी स्थिर,
ऐसे किस देवता की उपासना करें हम हवि देकर.

गर्भ में अपने अग्नि धारण कर पैदा कर,
व्यापा था जल इधर उधर नीचे ऊपर,
जगा चुके व एकमेव प्राण बनकर,
ऐसे किस देवता की उपासना करें हम हवि देकर.

ऊँ!सृष्टि निर्माता,स्वर्ग रचयिता पूर्वज रक्षा कर,
सत्य धर्म पालक अतुल जल नियामक रक्षा कर,
फैली हैं दिशायें बाहु जैसी उसकी सब में सब पर,
ऐसे ही देवता की उपासना करें हम हवि देकर|
ऐसे ही देवता की उपासना करें हम हवि देकर||

The above is also a part translation of the full verse. Here is the full one more formally:

Rigveda 10,121: “What God shall we adore with our oblation?” (English from here)

1. हिरण्यगर्भः समवर्तताग्रे भूतस्य जातः पतिरेकासीत ।
   स दाधार पर्थिवीं दयामुतेमां कस्मै देवायहविषा विधेम ॥
   
   Hiranyagarbhah samavartatâgre bhûtasya jâtâh patir eka âsît
   sa dâdhâra prthivîm dyâm utemâm kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   IN the beginning rose Hiranyagarbha, born Only Lord of all created beings.
   He fixed and holdeth up this earth and heaven. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
2. य आत्मदा बलदा यस्य विश्व उपासते परशिषं यस्यदेवाः ।
   यस्य छायाम्र्तं यस्य मर्त्युः कस्मै देवायहविषा विधेम ॥
   
   ya âtmadâ baladâ yasya vishva upâsate prashisham yasya devâh
   yasya châyamrtam yasya mrtyuh kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   Giver of vital breath, of power and vigour, he whose commandments all the Gods acknowledge -.
   The Lord of death, whose shade is life immortal. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
3. यः पराणतो निमिषतो महित्वैक इद राजा जगतो बभूव ।
   य ईशे अस्य दविपदश्चतुष्पदः कस्मै देवाय हविषाविधेम ॥
   
   yah prânato nimishato mahitvâ- eka id râjâ jagato babhûva
   ya îshe asya dvipadash catushpadah kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   Who by his grandeur hath become Sole Ruler of all the moving world that breathes and slumbers;
   He who is Loord of men and Lord of cattle. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
4. यस्येमे हिमवन्तो महित्वा यस्य समुद्रं रसया सहाहुः ।
   यस्येमाः परदिशो यस्य बाहू कस्मै देवाय हविषाविधेम ॥
   
   yasyeme himavanto mahitvâ yasya samudram rasayâ sahâhuh
   yasyemâh pradisho yasya bâhû kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   His, through his might, are these snow-covered mountains, and men call sea and Rasa his possession:
   His arms are these, his are these heavenly regions. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
5. येन दयौरुग्रा पर्थिवी च दर्ळ्हा येन सव सतभितं येननाकः ।
   यो अन्तरिक्षे रजसो विमानः कस्मै देवायहविषा विधेम ॥
   
   yena dyaur ugrâ prthivî ca drlhâ yena sva stabhitam yena nâkah
   yo antarikshe rajaso vimânah kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   By him the heavens are strong and earth is stedfast, by him light's realm and sky-vault are supported:
   By him the regions in mid-air were measured. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
6. यं करन्दसी अवसा तस्तभाने अभ्यैक्षेतां मनसारेजमाने ।
   यत्राधि सूर उदितो विभाति कस्मै देवायहविषा विधेम ॥
   
   yam krandasî avasâ tastabhane abhy aikshetâm manasâ rejamâne
   yatrâdhi sûra udito vibhâti kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   To him, supported by his help, two armies embattled look while trembling in their spirit,
   When over them the risen Sun is shining. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
7. आपो ह यद बर्हतीर्विश्वमायन गर्भं दधानाजनयन्तीरग्निम ।
   ततो देवानां समवर्ततासुरेकःकस्मै देवाय हविषा विधेम ॥
   
   âpo ha yad brhatîr vishvam âyan garbham dadhânâ janayantîr âgnim
   tato devânâm sam avartatâsur ekah kasmai devâya havisha vidhema
   
   What time the mighty waters came, containing the universal germ, producing Agni,
   Thence sprang the Gods' one spirit into being. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
   
8. यश्चिदापो महिना पर्यपश्यद दक्षं दधानाजनयन्तीर्यज्ञम ।
   यो देवेष्वधि देव एक आसीत कस्मैदेवाय हविषा विधेम ॥
   
   yash cid âpo mahinâ paryapashyad daksham dadhânâ janayantîr yajñam
   yo deveshv adhi deva eka âsit kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   He in his might surveyed the floods containing productive force and generating Worship.
   He is the God of gods, and none beside him. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
9. मा नो हिंसीज्जनिता यः पर्थिव्या यो वा दिवंसत्यधर्मा जजान ।
   यश्चापश्चन्द्रा बर्हतीर्जजानकस्मै देवाय हविषा विधेम ॥
   
   mâ no himsîj janitâ yah prthivyâ yo vâ divam satyadharmâ jajâna
   yash câpash candrâ brhatîr jajâna kasmai devâya havishâ vidhema
   
   Neer may he harm us who is earth's Begetter, nor he whose laws are sure, the heavens' Creator,
   He who brought forth the great and lucid waters. What God shall we adore with our oblation?
10. परजापते न तवदेतान्यन्यो विश्वा जातानि परि ताबभूव ।
    यत्कामास्ते जुहुमस्तन नो अस्तु वयं सयाम पतयोरयीणाम ॥
    
    prajâpate na tvad etâny anyo vishvâ jâtâni pari tâ babhûva
    yatkâmâs te juhumas tan no astu vayam syâma patayo rayînâm
    
    Prajapati! thou only comprehendest all these created things, and none beside thee.
    Grant us our hearts' desire when we invoke thee: may we have store of riches in possession.

Course : English 44A Creative Writing
School : SMU
Instructor : Prof. Miller

In class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story.

The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

And now, the Assignment as submitted by

Rebecca & Gary:

(Contribution of the first author is in Blue color and the that of the second one in Red color).

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...". But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?", she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu-udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu-udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Asshole.

Bit-ch.


----End of Story-----

An Exemplary College Application Essay (Statement of Purpose or SOP)

Supposedly, this is an actual SOP written by some (great) guy. Enjoy. :)

3a. Essay:

In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question:
Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

How to prove theorems ?

Many years ago, I received an email listing these wonderful ways to prove theorems. I am sure the mail would still be circulating in some form or the other. This is my small attempt to preserve the best mathematical lesson I had for posterity. Thanks to the anonymous author.

1. Proof by example

The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.

2. Proof by intimidation

"Trivial."

3. Proof by vigorous handwaving

Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.

4. Proof by cumbersome notation

Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.

5. Proof by exhaustion

An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.

6. Proof by omission

"The reader may easily supply the details."
"The other 253 cases are analogous."
"..."

7. Proof by obfuscation

A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.

8. Proof by wishful citation

The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from literature to support his claims.

9. Proof by funding

How could three different government agencies be wrong?

10. Proof by eminent authority

"I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-complete."

11. Proof by personal communication

"Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete [Karp, personal communication]."

12. Proof by reduction to the wrong problem

"To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem."

13. Proof by reference to inaccessible literature

The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883.

14. Proof by importance

A large body of useful consequences all follow from the proposition in question.

15. Proof by accumulated evidence

Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.

16. Proof by cosmology

The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God.

17. Proof by mutual reference

In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in reference B, which is shown from Corollary 6.2 in reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A.

18. Proof by metaproof

A method is given to construct the desired proof. The correctness of the method is proved by any of these techniques.

19. Proof by picture

A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well with proof by omission.

20. Proof by vehement assertion

It is useful to have some kind of authority in relation to the audience.

21. Proof by ghost reference

Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in the reference given.

22. Proof by forward reference

Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first.

23. Proof by semantic shift

Some standard but inconvenient definitions are changed for the statement of the result.

24. Proof by appeal to intuition

Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here.

Normality test

Well, you just apply the Kolmogorov Smirnov test for normality, which consists of drinking vodka and looking at your data from time to time until it looks normal enough to you.

- Ronan Conroy

Biostatistician, Dublin

Anand's blindfold win over Leko

Vishy won his first round game in Amber Blindford tournament against Hungarian Peter Leko. The game ended with a beautiful combination from Anand. Although the start was impressive, he ultimately finished joint 4-5 at 6.5/11 (+4-2=5), behind Aronian, Kramnik and Carlsen, who shared 1-3 in this section. All the leaders scored 7/11.

Here is the game. Enjoy.

PS: If you are thinking why did I put this old game on the blog today, then the answer is: I was experimenting with inserting a chess game on blog. This is the first time I could successfully do it. :)

Gulaal - Anurah Kashyap's coming of age

Anurag kashyap's new movie Gulaal is a class apart from the usual hindi movies dealing with more serious stuff like romancing the heroine around the trees. The story builds on the pain and agony of some former Rajput kings who feel cheated by the nation which promised them indefinite privy purse in 1947-49 but withdrew it in 1976. They now intend to return to the old "glory" of their kingdom. The story also portrays naked college politics and how it is influenced by parties pursuing their own agenda.

Kay Kay Menon plays the role of the leader of the movement attempting to go back in history. I last saw him in "Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd". He played a orthodox bengali gentleman in that movie. His screen play and transformation as a confident rajput royal "Duki Banna" in Gulaal is amazing. Apart from him, Raja Choudhary's acting is also worth many accolades.

There are subtle political/ philosophical issues scattered all over the movie. Prthvi, the brother of Duki banna wears a locket of John Lennon. The hanging of Ran Sa wears a stark resembles to the public hanging of erstwhile Afghan president Nazibullah. Kiran, the lady in the hostel sits in a dark room with 'nihilism' written on the wall. The Ranaji song is hilariously anti-US.

The movie itself is definitely worth watching but I am specially impressed by the lyrics of the songs. Piyush mishra is truly original in the songs. I do not remember any movie in recent times which has used such beautiful word play. Gulaal also includes a stranza from Ramdhaari Singh Dinkar's epic "Rashmirathi" (दो न्याय अगर तो आधा दो, पर इसमें भी यदि बाधा हो, तो दे दो केवल पांच ग्राम, रखो अपनी धरती तमाम, ...).

The following are only two examples of the songs of this movie. I hope you enjoy it.

(1)
आरंभ है प्रचंड, बोलें मस्तकों के झुंड, आज जंग की घडी की तुम गुहार दो |

आरंभ है प्रचंड, बोलें मस्तकों के झुंड, आज जंग की घडी की तुम गुहार दो |
आन बान शान, या की जान का हो दान, आज एक धनुष के बाण पे उतार दो || (२)
आरंभ है प्रचंड...

मन करे सो प्राण दे, जो मन करे सो प्राण ले, वही तो एक सर्व शक्तिमान है |
विश्व की पुकार है, ये भागवत का सार है, की युद्ध ही तो वीर का प्रमाण है ||
कौरवों की भीड़ हो, या पांडवों का नीड़ हो, जो लड़ सका है वो ही तो महान है |
जीत की हवस नहीं, किसी पे कोई वश नहीं, क्या जिन्दगी है ठोकरों पे मार दो ?
मौत अंत है नहीं तो मौत से भी क्यों डरें, ये जाके आसमान में दहाड़ दो ||
आरंभ है प्रचंड ...

हो दया का भाव या की शौर्य का चुनाव, या की हार का वो घाव तुम ये सोच लो | (२)
या की पूरे भाल पर जला रहे विजय का लाल, लाल ये गुलाल तुम ये सोच लो |
रंग केसरी हो या मृदंग केसरी हो या की केसरी हो ताल तुम ये सोच लो ||
जिस कवि की कल्पना में जिन्दगी हो प्रेम गीत, उस कवि को आज तुम नकार दो |
भीगती नसों में आज, फूलती रगों में आज, आग की लपट का तुम बगार दो ||

आरंभ है प्रचंड, बोलें मस्तकों के झुंड, आज जंग की घडी की तुम गुहार दो |
आन बान शान, या की जान का हो दान, आज एक धनुष के बाण पे उतार दो |
आरंभ है प्रचंड ...

(2)
राणाजी म्हारे, गुस्से में आये, एसो बल खाए, अगिया बरसाए, घबराए म्हारो चैन | (२)
जैसे दूर देस के,
जैसे दूर देस के, टावर में घूस जाए रे एरोप्लेन ||
राणाजी म्हारे ...

राणाजी म्हारे, एसो गुर्राए, एसो थर्राए, भर आये म्हारे नैन |
जैसे सरे आम ही,
जैसे सरे आम इराक में जाके जम गए अंकल सेम ||
राणाजी म्हारे...

राणाजी म्हारी सास ननद के ताने, राणाजी म्हारी जेठ ससुर की बानी |
राणाजी थापे भूत परेत की छाया, राणाजी थापे इल्बिल जिन का साया ||
सजनी को डियर बोले, ठर्रे को बियर बोले, मांगे है इंग्लिस बोली, मांगे है इंग्लिस चोली |
मांगे है इंग्लिस जेपुर, इंग्लिस बीकानेर ||
जैसे बिसलेरी की ,
जैसे बिसलेरी की बोतल पिके बन गए इंग्लिस मेन |
राणाजी म्हारे...

राणाजी म्हारी सौतन को घर ले आये |
पूछे तो बोले फ्रेंड हमारी है हाये ||
राणाजी ने ठंडा चक्कू यूँ खोला |
बोले की हाये ठंडा मने कोका कोला ||
राणाजी बोले मोरों की बस्ती में है शोर रानी |
क्यों की ये दिल मांगे मोर, मोर रानी, मोर रानी, मोर रानी ..
म्हारी तो बीच बजरिया, हाये बदनामी हो गयी |
म्हारी तो लाल चुनरिया, सरम से धानी हो गयी ||
म्हारो तो धक् धक् होवे, जो जो बीते रे
जैसे हर एक बात पे ...
जैसे हर एक बात पे डिमोक्रिसी में लगने लग गयो बेन ...

जैसे दूर देस के, टावर में घूस जाए रे एरोप्लेन
जैसे सरे आम इराक में जाके जम गए अंकल सेम
जैसे बिना बात अफगानिस्ता का
जैसे बिना बात अफगानिस्ता का बज गया भैया बेंड |

जैसे दूर देस के, टावर में घूस जाए रे एरोप्लेन ||
राणाजी म्हारे ...